Viva La Soft Cock Revolution!

Welcome to my spring newsletter. I hope you enjoy my latest blog, Viva La Soft Cock Revolution! And scroll down for:

– another blog I have written on labiaplasty;
– links to a TV show I appeared on;
– my latest events including a wild weekend for women in Wales and my BodyLove workshop;
– events from others that I love.

Enjoy xx

Viva La Soft Cock Revolution!

One of my favourite sex educators and revolutionaries Annie Sprinkle calls for a ‘soft cock revolution’. There is so much wisdom in that statement and here is why.

It’s fascinating to reflect on the use of the word ‘hard’ in our culture – ‘we ‘work hard’ and ‘play hard’ in the office and at the gym, and the stereotypical image of the alpha male is hard muscles, hard abs and the expectation of a hard penis in bed.  When a man is in his sexual pleasure, whether in the movies or in porn, he always has a hard erection.

The equation ‘hard erection = pleasure’ is deeply imprinted in our psyche and this puts a lot of pressure and expectation on men. For many, this leads to performance anxiety and erection problems. It’s estimated that half of all men between the ages of 40 and 70 will have erection problems to some degree, the unfortunate medical term for this being ‘erectile dysfunction’.

Whilst erection challenges can be an indicator of underlying health problems such as diabetes and heart problems, for the majority of men a different approach is needed. Currently many of these men are given viagra, but this does not address the underlying reasons that can result in erection problems, such as medication side affects, health problems, stress, lifestyle issues, relationship dynamics, anxiety and shame. These issues absolutely need to be explored and addressed.

Education is vital, as for so many men there is the expectation that their erection must always be hard when they are experiencing pleasure. This is an absolute myth and not how men’s erections naturally are.

Tantric wisdom teaches us that pleasure naturally ebbs and flows, and so does the strength of erection.  Men can have exquisite pleasure with soft erections if they relax and let go of the expectation that their erections must be hard.

This is also true of their partners, where the equation is ‘hard erection = he’s turned on by me’. For a man who can’t get an erection, it is often the opposite. He really wants the person he is with, yet the more he tries to make his erection hard, the less it happens.

This hardness extends beyond erections to how we touch ourselves and each other. Men often touch their genitals with one stroke (you know the one!) which can be very rough. Over time, this can lead to desensitisation of the penis and so harder and harder strokes are needed to feel anything at all.

The opposite is true. What’s needed is radical softness and tenderness. This, combined with time and attention, can bring the sensitivity back. This also expands the horizons of pleasure.  There are so many different ways to stroke a penis when we let go of habit and open to our innate creativity and body intelligence.

Tantric practices invite the opportunity of ‘soft cock penetration’. Letting go of erections having to be hard opens up whole new possibilities of pleasure for all involved. And this requires a shift on other levels, where lovemaking is about ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’, presence not performance, and letting go of the goals of hard erections and orgasms – although they are welcome, they are not the aim.

I have worked successfully with many men who had concerns about their erections. Recently I have been working with Cliff who contacted me after having his prostate removed due to cancer. When he got in touch, he was feeling low and worried that he would never get another erection and therefore not experience sexual pleasure again. Working together, he has not only discovered new ways to experience pleasure for himself, but he and his partner have rekindled intimacy after a five year gap. He now feels healthier and happier. You can find out about Cliff’s transformation here.

If you are concerned about your erections or want to learn different ways to experience pleasure, please get in touch. I offer bespoke Sex & Pleasure Coaching Programmes to support you in transforming whatever is holding you back so you can flourish.  I offer in-person programmes at my practices near Liverpool and in Manchester, and also via Skype.

Do get in touch. I’d love to hear from you.

With pleasure,

Sarah Rose Bright xx

In other news… 

Labiaplasty is not the solution…

I recently wrote a letter to Channel Four about their Embarrassing Bodies show where they recommended labiaplasty to a programme participant. This resulted in a woman contacting me in great distress after watching the show. You can read all about it here.

That’s TV, 2015

For Behind Closed Doors, I talk about some of the myths about how sex “should” be, how these myths affect our sex lives and what’s really true. You can watch it in two parts:

Behind Closed Doors, Part 1, December 2015

Behind Closed Doors, Part 2, December 2015

Events 

Dreaming Beltane: the Quest for the Wild Woman, 29th April – 1st May, Cae Mabon, Wales 

I am delighted to be co-hosting a weekend workshop with my co-creatrix Steph Magenta at the incredibly magical Cae Mabon. Join us to quest for our original nature and true beauty as wild and free women with a strong voice and a clear warrior heart. We will move with the cycle of the land at this abundant time of year to give birth to our dreams, moving back to what we were before we became any less than who we were born to be. You can find out more here.

BodyLove: How to Love Your Body and Feel Great, June 11th, Manchester 

I am very excited to be running my workshop BodyLove for the second time. This workshop is for any woman who doesn’t love her body and how she looks. Join me to discover the practice of BodyLove, connecting you to the magnificence of your body and providing practical, everyday approaches on how to accept, embrace and celebrate the body you have.

I recommend this for anyone with a body! We all deserve to love our bodies. Thanks for helping me recognise this.

During the day we will discover how your beliefs and feelings about your body affect you and how you can transform them, connecting you to your unique beauty so that you can flourish. Find out more and book tickets here.

Shakti Tantra

The first level workshop Awakening to Sacred Union is 6th – 8th of May in Hertfordshire. This is a wonderful first step if you are curious about Tantra. Get in touch with Hilly to find out more.

Shakti Tantra are also doing a host of introductory events in Manchester, London, Cornwall and Exeter. You can find out more here.

Sea School of Embodiment 

The Sea School of Embodiment have a host of wonderful events coming up. Find out more here.

Barry Spendlove

Taoist teacher Barry Spendlove’s events are always wonderful, especially those out in the wilds of Wales. Find out more here.

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