Do you find it difficult to put yourself first?

by | Jun 8, 2023


This course showed me what I can do when I focus on myself.” Ju, 43

When I got the feedback for the last group programme I ran for women, the most consistent piece of feedback from the 20 participants was that they learnt how to put themselves first.  It surprised me how many women said it was the most significant gift for them.

For the women I work with, they fear putting themselves first. They fear being perceived as selfish, or greedy, or too much. They fear saying what they want. They fear asking for what they need.  They fear rejection. They fear abandonment.  They fear being thought of as not being able to cope or being incompetent. They believe it’s indulgent and self centered.

Starting to put your needs and wants in the picture can feel a huge and terrifying step.  Many women I work with imagine as I used to, that their world might actually fall apart if they put themselves first.

It is such a delight when the women I work with start to put themselves first.

In sessions we practice asking for what you want, how it feels in your body and how to create a sense of safety in your nervous system as you ask. Then these courageous women go and start asking in their lives – asking for help and support, asking for what they want and need and making different choices and decisions about what they do in their lives, who for and who with.

All of this is done gently, one step at a time so that they can feel it’s okay to make these changes and to experience that they not always get what they need and want and for that to also be ok. Each time they feel a little more confident and braver to put themselves first. It is like exercising a new muscle, it takes time and practice.

Seeing women’s lives shift as they do this is one of my deepest joys. They become lighter, I see a sparkle in their eyes and a beaming smile. They tap into and feel their power. They give themselves permission to be who they want to be and if they aren’t sure of who that is, they start the journey to find out.

This new found sense of self ripples out into their lives – to their sex lives, their intimate partnerships (or in dating), in their families, their friendships, their work and their passions. This starts from making the choice to learn how to put themselves first.

If this touches something in you and you are curious about working with me, you can read about Pleasure Mastery, my 1-1 coaching programme for women and Intimacy Mastery for couples. You can book a complimentary call with me to get clear on where you are now, where you are desiring to be and what is possible for you.  Book a call here and do message me if you have any questions at all.

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