I love working with couples. In a recent session with one of my couples clients, we started exploring what it is that they really want.
The woman said she didn’t know what she wanted. I guided the couple to play a really simple yet deeply profound game from the Wheel of Consent where they took turns asking for the type of touch they would like to receive on their hands from the other.
For this woman, it was a luxury to have a space without any pressure so that she could explore what felt good for her. Often people I work with don’t have a vocabulary to confidently express what they want.
I invited her to be really specific about what she wanted – where and how she would like to be touched, the speed, the pressure and the rhythm. As she started to be more descriptive about what she wanted she realised how much she settled for pleasure that felt okay. She could feel the difference as she started to tune in to what really felt good for her and voice it.
Her partner loved hearing this level of description from her. He felt more confident that he could give her what she wanted. In the past, when he asked her if she was enjoying the touch she would always say yes. He shared that he never knew if she was really enjoying it or not but didn’t know how to find out her truth.
These are life changing moments that transform how you experience pleasure and each other and I am so excited to watch these shifts blossom in their relationship.
We’ll be exploring this and more in INTIMACY, our group programme for couples.