How to experience a different quality of pleasure in your sexual life

by | Jun 8, 2023


To change how you experience, pleasure, sex and intimacy takes practice, practice practice.

When you approach sex with a goal in mind, usually a goal of heading towards some type of penetration and a climax, it’s like putting the same coordinates in the sat nav every single time.

When you put the same coordinates in a sat nav, you are only going in one direction and that is how many people experience sex. I would go as far to say the majority of people.

One of the most significant impacts of this is that overtime it shuts of your natural impulses. I know for me, I didn’t even listen to them in the first place as I was always trying to have sex a certain way.

This is one of many reasons why sex becomes ‘boring’ or feels ‘mechanical’. This can be whether you are on your own or with another.

The habits we learn become so deeply ingrained that it takes time to undo the patterns.

These ways become wired within us, just like when a record gets stuck in a groove and can’t move forward.   These become the ‘pleasure scripts’ that we are very familiar with.

The good news is that you can re-wire and re-write your pleasure scripts.

As you unlock the habits, new possibilities open. There is space to what I call ‘hang out in pleasure’, to feel more deeply, to listen to and trust your innate erotic intelligence, to follow your creative impulses and enter the unknown.

This takes practice. Committing to practice isn’t about hours and hours. I find that the best practice is regular small amounts that feel doable.  It’s often doing the things you are already doing, but doing them in a different way so it doesn’t need lots of extra time.

The first step is to notice how you currently experience pleasure. Our pleasure scripts are like auto-pilot – they just happen and we don’t know how they happen as that is the way we have always done things. Take time to notice. There is such fertile territory as the next step is to undoing the habits that you are familiar with, gently over time.

If this touches something in you and you are curious about working with me, you can read about Pleasure Mastery, my 1-1 coaching programme for women and Intimacy Mastery for couples. You can book a complimentary call with me to get clear on where you are now, where you are desiring to be and what is possible for you.  Book a call here and do message me if you have any questions at all

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