(Estimated Reading Time is 5 minutes)
The genitals we see in pornography are usually one type with females with small, neat, symmetrical shaven vulvas and males with long, large and continually hard cocks!
Just like the highly unrealistic images we see of how bodies ‘should’ look, pornography creates unhealthy expectations of how genitals ‘should’ look.
Comparing yourself to these genital types, you can feel inadequate or lacking, even ugly. Feeling this way about your genitals affects you on many levels. Undoubtedly this impacts how you feel sexually and your enjoyment of sex and our genitals are just as different as our faces!
Until recently there was little else to compare your genitals. In the last few years there is a growing range of wonderful projects, photographers and artists showcasing the wonderful diversity of our genitals.
One of my favourite books that showcases the diversity of genitals is The Sexual Practices of Quodoushka by Amara Charles. In the Quodoushka tradition, females are each categorised into nine different genital anatomy types, each with different characteristics (there is a categorisation for males too). Amara lists the variety of characteristics to be considered to determine which anatomy type you are.
- Distance between clitoris and vaginal opening
- Shape or size of the clitoral hood
- Size of inner lips
- Depth of vaginal canal
- Location of G-spot area
- Amount of lubrication
- Typical time to reach orgasm
- Preferred types of stimulation
- Types of orgasm
- Preferred intercourse position
- Length of shaft
- Thickness of shaft
- Amount of ejaculate and the number of spurts of ejaculation
- Taste of ejaculate
- Consistency of ejaculate
- Position of testicles
Because your anatomy is so unique to you, this will affect how you experience pleasure and what you enjoy. You might prefer one sexual position over others or slowness to speed. These will be also affected by your health and wellness such as nutrition, fitness, energy and stress levels, how connected you feel to your self, lover or partner and for women, your menstrual cycle.
Wow!!! When I first heard these differences I was amazed and it felt liberating to understand how truly unique we all are. This set me on a quest to deeply listen to and observe my own body, to notice what I was doing because I thought that was how sex ‘should’ be and to discover what was truly natural for me. This is an inquiry that has never stopped as I am always changing, growing and learning.
I explore this with my clients and there is often a sense of relief as the pressure to be and act a certain way is released. They begin to get curious about what they truly enjoy and what feels good. You don’t need to know the genital anatomy types. This is an invitation to get to know your body and your pleasure as that is your best teacher.
Getting to know your genitals
As you start to deeply get to know your genitals, it’s like cultivating a friendship – it takes time, attention and curiosity, and as you find more connection and love for your genitals, you find more love for your self.
And, you can take this into intimacy with partners. When you bring the qualities of curiosity and openness to your intimate partners you can learn and explore together, as
Amara Charles says:
“Taking the time to find out about your partner’s anatomy type gives you a way to explore the kinds of pressure, speed, and timing she [or he] likes best. You will also gain a better sense of when to change your touch and timing if something doesn’t work for her [or him]. Remember, however, that there are no fixed formulas, and that you must always pay close attention to what she [or he] wants in any given moment. The best way to increase your sensitivity and skill as a lover is to be curious, ask questions, get feedback and stay open for change.“
It is not a rigid system of classification and as Amara highlights in the book. With practice, you can cultivate any of the sexual abilities from the other genital anatomy types. There is no perfect match for genital anatomy types. There may be preferences, but anyone can learn to be with anyone. When two (or more!) new bodies come together, it is a time of exploration, discovering how your sexual pleasure can sing together.
I’d love to hear from you, what stops you from fully loving your genitals?
If you are a female who would like to learn to love your vulva and awaken her power and pleasure, take a look at my women’s 1-1 coaching programme and you can book a call with me to explore what is possible for you. And take a look at my 1-1 sexual empowerment coaching programme for women or Ignite Your Sexuality, my self study course for women that has two modules dedicated to vulva and vagina loving!
For couples, if you would love to discover your own and each others pleasure in delicious like learning vulva and cock massage, take a look at my couples sex and intimacy coaching programme and you can book a call with me to explore what is possible for you.
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