Whenever I hear client stories, whether my private couples, or the ones in our INTIMACY course, I see how so many of the challenges they are experiencing are down to the massive lack of quality information and education about sex and relationships.
We learn a lot that is not helpful and then we try and piece it together ourselves, influenced by our families of origin, our education, our culture, media and our life experiences.
This hotch potch of learning leads to a host of myths and misunderstandings about how sex and intimacy ‘should’ be. These can contribute to a sense of disconnection and distance in intimate relationships and this can be very subtle. A thought or a feeling is buried and it grows into a sense of shame, guilt, fear or feeling a failure. Sometimes all of these.
The good news is that by reimagining and redefining what sex and intimacy is, away from performance and goals and ‘shoulds’ to cultivating presence and awareness, connection and embodiment, pleasure and relaxation, new possibilities emerge.
This takes time, which is why I like to work with people over a number of weeks and months to explore, to unlearn, to discover, to practice and integrate.
In a recent session, one couple shared that it has been an amazing revelation to explore each other without the need to finish at the final destination. The woman thought she couldn’t enjoy sex anymore and now they are on a shared journey together where they’re learning and discovering so much about themselves and each other. This has reignited their relationship in ways they didn’t believe were possible just a few weeks ago.
Another couple talked about how relaxed love making has been a revelation to them. They shared that as they slowed down and became more aware of the subtle sensations and their internal worlds, feeling is returning to places that were numb.
The woman described how slow love making is a beautiful antidote to a busy week. She is noticing how calming it is for her nervous system and she feels safe and more able to surrender into what feels good.
The man described that redefining what sexual intimacy is has taken a huge weight off his shoulders. His performance anxiety has gone and he is feeling calmer in the week. In ‘hot’ love making there was pressure and stress which created agitation and disconnection and this has transformed. Because of all of this, they are having more intimacy and pleasure during the week as they are both enjoying it so much!
If you want to gift your intimate relationship the opportunity to clear the myths and misunderstandings and to redefine what sex, intimacy and pleasure mean for you both, there is still time to join INTIMACY, our couples course. We have space for one more couple to join us starting October 12th and you need to get in touch with us by Sunday 8th October at the latest. I also offer private coaching for couples. Message me for more info.