Ten Tips to Enhance Your Self Pleasure
Research shows people who ‘masturbate’ or ‘self pleasure’, are more likely to have fulfilling sex lives, better health, happier relationships and an overall increase in self-confidence. You become the expert of your own body and learn to be erotically self sufficient. And there are many many more benefits – I could write an article on this alone. Yet this fundamental area of our sex life is rarely mentioned in sex education and there is little information or discussion on how to transform self pleasure into a fulfilling erotic practice in its own right – whether your single or in relationship/s.
Most people learn at a young age to self pleasure quickly and quietly, usually for fear of being caught. They take this pattern into their adult lives (and sexual relationships) and self pleasure is a fast and functional act, usually done in one very specific way (same hand movement, same position) when there is an ‘urge’. It can be an enjoyable one however it can become routine and in some cases, lead to sexual concerns such as early ejaculation.
Like motorway driving, it’s often the fastest and easiest route and gets you to where you want to go but how about more variety? A trip down the side roads, through the beautiful countryside, being surprised by discovering new places and enjoying different views? If you’re up for some adventure, here’s ten tips to inspire and enhance your self pleasuring:
1. Find a word to describe it that feels good to you: Whether masturbation, solo sex, self pleasure or something else – as long as it feels good to you. Do comment at the end of this article as would love to hear you views on the names you like and why.
2. Create some time for yourself: Time where you won’t be disturbed just as you would with a partner or lover. Put on some music, light some candles, use beautiful massage oil, whatever creates a delicious experience for you
3. Breathe: Breath is your number one sex toy! Often, as we get aroused, our breathing becomes more shallow. We may even hold our breath and all of the arousal is felt in the genital area. Try breathing slowly and deeply. Imagine the breath as a pump circulating your arousal through your whole body. With conscious breathing we create space to receive more pleasure.
4. Be your own pleasure detective: Explore your whole body and discover your hot spots. Your whole body is an erogenous zone. Be curious, noticing where you find pleasure, how you like it and how it changes. We let lovers explore our bodies so why not do it ourselves?
5. Let your arousal ebb and flow: Once we feel arousal, we usually focus on building it, heading for the goal of orgasm. Yet our arousal naturally rises and falls and it’s in this dance that our pleasure can grow. Enjoy the ebb and flow.
6. Slow down and savour your pleasure: We live in a culture of speed and we rush our pleasure. It’s like choosing fast food over a banquet. Experiment. If you think you’re going slow, reduce your speed by 50% and see what happens. You may speed up, then slow down again. Keep challenging yourself to slow down and notice how your pleasure changes.
7. Move: Often we stay in one position yet our arousal cannot flow through our bodies when we’re stationary. Move your body, especially your pelvis. Change positions – turn over, sit up, stand up.
8. Use your voice: We learn to self pleasure quietly, yet sound also helps our arousal to move and grow. I often find people who make noise with a partner but never on their own. If you’re normally silent, try making a sound when you exhale, like a sigh.
9. Focus on the sensations: Many people only self pleasure with either porn or fantasy. When your focus is either in the mind or on external stimulation, it can limit the sensations you feel in your body. When you’re using fantasy or porn, every now and then take your attention to your body. How does your body feel? What sensations do you notice? Breathe. You may go back to the fantasy or porn and enjoy it then focus back on your body. Keep crossing back and forth between the sensations in your body and enjoying the fantasy or porn. Overtime this increases the feeling and sensations in your body.
10. Experiment with sex toys: This could be vibrators, dildos, anal toys, feathers – there are so many to choose from. It’s worth spending time researching what’s available, what they do and reading reviews. Lubricant is also an essential sex toy. It changes the way you touch yourself and people find it’s more sensual. Again, a vast range available so worth researching.
There is much more I could add to this list and you may be doing some of them already. Whatever you’re currently doing, my invitation is to do something different. If you use toys, try without. If you’re silent use your voice. If you go fast, try going slow and so on.
Start by picking one or two from this list that you’re curious about and experiment with them. Do you enjoy them? Do they change your pleasure? Do you find them challenging? If not, try another one. Most of all, enjoy! And, all ten of these are great to explore when you’re with a lover or a partner too.
I hope this article has inspired you to experiment and explore your self pleasure and I’d love to hear how you get on or what you’d add to this list. You can visit the Orgasmic Yoga Institute, founded by Joseph Kramer for further inspiration and access the best in online erotic education.
Wishing you much pleasure,