When it comes to sex, people think of doing, taking action and movement. Rarely do they consider pausing yet the pause is one of the most powerful choices we have and can help in so many ways.
People worry that if they pause they’ll lose their momentum, break their flow or that they ‘should’ be doing something as that is what is ‘expected of them’, whether that is their expectation or one they imagine their partner has.
When we are busy ‘doing’ during sex we miss out on so much. If our attention is always totally focused on for example, pleasing the other or in our thoughts we simply cannot pay attention to what is happening in our body.
Imagine the pause as a golden moment to check in. To listen to what is really happening in your body and/or your partners. That in these moments of pausing there is a wealth of information available for you.
If you are experiencing sexual challenges or lacking in sexual confidence these ‘check ins’ are invaluable. You can start to notice more about what is happening. Very often your mind is telling you a story about what is happening and when you take a moment to pause, my clients often share that they find that what they are thinking is not the truth of the situation. Experiencing this can be empowering and and during the pause taking a full and conscious breath can help you to relax.
The pause is an opportunity to ‘feel’ what is next as opposed to ‘thinking’ what is next, a moment to tap into your innate erotic body wisdom which is beyond all techniques. The part of you when you take that time to listen. The part of you that ‘just knows’. Everybody has this.
For some people, they need permission to explore the pause. It is often both a relief and a revelation. Living in a culture that teaches us to value our thoughts over the wisdom of the body, it can take practice to remember to take a moment to listen and to trust your own experience.
Your pleasure naturally ebbs and flows and it can be in the pause and the stillness that you can catch the next wave of pleasure to ride. However it is not all about doing. Simply ‘be’ in the pause. Rest in the pause.
The pause is a like a secret key, a gateway to a different and deeper experience. I remember the moment that this first happened to me many years ago. In the moment of pausing I noticed the most incredible feelings flowing through me, ones that I would not have noticed had I been busy ‘doing’. It was a significant moment as I had always believed that sex was about ‘doing’ and this experience went contrary to my beliefs and I wanted to know more!
Whether on your own or with partner/s, I invite you to explore the pause and see what treasures are there waiting for you. Let me know how you get on.